ring ring

Dear Anybody,

I don't know how i feel...
My mind feels like it's in a big crowd. Full of loud noises and full of difference. I'm trying to find my way out but I might be a while..It might take some time.

Beautiful

Reality

You are gone. I feel empty. A hollow pit within my stomache. It feels like a savage animal as come along and ripped a part of me away. I feel different. A feeling i have not felt before. I've never seen you cry. It felt like a thousand bricks piled up on my chest at the sight of your tears. Each time you wrapped your arms around me i knew the hold had to end, so i struggled to pull myself away. I could feel my tears all wet on the tip of your nose, I could feel your hands wipe my tears, i could feel your hand cupping my cheek. From the start, I knew this was going to be the result. But I'd rather deal with the emotional pain then not having you as a part of my life. You are a person that i cannont and will not lose. You brought me joy, you brought me laughter and thats something i am ever so grateful for. Today, I got to trace around your smooth lips. I got to feel your lips against mine, for the very last time.. This is it. From today it's no longer us, it's just me and you. I have to learn the reality of this.

Goodmorning Darling

I lay there with beads of sweat on my collarbones. The hot morning sun is shining onto the bed through the near by dusty window. I can hear the birds chirping as the new day begins while they rest in the tree tops. One leg is over my warm white sheet. My head is nicley nestled in my pillow. I feel everything, i see everything, i hear everything. I can hear him breathing, so peaceful. One hand is on his moist chest. I can feel his heart beat. It's beautiful. I know he's awake. I can feel his fingertips trace lines across my bare stomach. My toes scrunch up. My eyes are now shut. He gently traces his index finger across the tender skin just under my breast. His delicate touch disappears. He grabs my hand and intwines his fingers between mine. My eyes are now adjusting to the light but the first thing i see is his eyes looking right back at me.

Delicate

Just trace your finger across the tattered spine, close your eyes and feel the mysteries of what its pages will reveal.

Eye to eye..I think not.

So today on this wintery day during spring I was thinking about connections between two human beings. This topic came to me during my single period of maths with my psychological disturbed teacher. The reason to why I believe people have relationship problems, friendship problems, family problems, any kind of argument, disagreement or fight for that matter is because each person sees things on a different level of conciseness.

Let's be injected with Immunity

So a couple of days ago, I purchased my snowboard online.
So a couple of days ago, I had a spring clean.
So a couple of days ago, I just got into a relationship.

It's just so amusing how this is the guy that stung me with his venom at the beginning of the year, I 'despised' him or so i thought. Then eventually I sucked out all the venom and i decided to forget about it. I thought to myself, 'As each day ends. A completely new day arises.' I shouldn't dwell on problems that occur in my flourishing life, but to accept them, deal with them and simply move on. That's exactly what I did. Until, sometime during September or so, from his determination to see me again I decided, 'Yes,Okay I'll see you again. We will only be friends and nothing more.' Once the goodbyes came around and that silly small chat people tend to make when they have to depart from an unusual or awkward outing, I couldn't keep myself in that passenger seat and his skin on mine put a rapid train of thoughts and images through my mind. Thoughts of what once was, what is now and what may become of it. Once I sat back down, the trail of thoughts were traveling is constant circles. Then that's when i realized I didn't completely suck out all of the venom, a small portion of it was still within me. I wasn't feeling any pain, it was just a numb spot that didn't or wouldn't go away. Now, i only wish to be immune to his poison, to deal with any hurdles we come across, together.

Impossible

I am sitting at home, all alone. Thinking about how each and every single person on this earth is living a completely different life. No matter how hard we try we can never be the same.

It's time

I am a blade of grass. I flourish into something so pure of color and as the warm to cold winds race across the empty space, i just flow with it.

We travelled in a circle.

It's just like history repeating itself but with just a few more adjustments. Good ones though.
I am at peace right now and that's all i wish for. I do not thrive on drama, I actually despise it. I want it gone, but it will never go. It's an element that will not vanish. But it's an element that i can try to keep away from me for as long as i possibly can. To do that i must believe, I must compromise, I must think positively, I must try. It begun with 'together' but ended with 'I can't'. It has started all over again but with 'potential'.

GNU B-Nice BTX Snowboard

I want this

My girl

Melbourne City

I have witnessed such a beautiful and cultural place and the best part about it, is that its far from Perth. I entered a city full of art, music, fashion and architecture. I entered a place that i would be happy in. It reminded me of Europe, going into the middle of the streets to hop onto the tram, the beautiful stone work of the buildings and most of all it surrounded me in a warm and up-lifting ambiance. The completely diverse environment was what i would like to be surrounded by every single day. We stayed in a small town house on Darling St, a five minute walk to Chapel St and as we stepped outside you could already feel the life of Melbourne hit you.

Truly divine.

Stratosphere

My eyes will open and it will still be dark outside. The warm sun is still taking it's move to our part of the world and to shine it's rays through the clouds. I'll be taking off into the starry night sky. Higher, higher and higher. The engines will rumble, the seats will rattle and me, I'll be waiting to get far as possible,2728 km.

Coraline

Each figure, object and setting was so detailed. Kudos to the makers of the figurines.
Coraline is such a beautiful and magical movie and it's based on the book by Neil Gaiman.
A story full of adventure, appreciation and learning.

Keys

It is no ordinary key, but piano keys. Just recently i decided to learn to play the piano..but I'm learning from my eleven year old cousin. I've been learning simple songs and obviously learning how to read notes etc etc. Suprisingly I'm learning fast and hopfully if i get the hang of it i want to take proper lessons. The noise of the piano is beautiful. Nik and I tend to listen to while we are in bed, so we can fall asleep to the divine melody.

Coffee Stains

Stain by stain, it leaves a mark. A mark that will never disappear but will fade..eventually.
It's colour varies, leather brown, golden honey, mocha. The colours symbolize the intensity of the bad memory and the size of the stain represents how major/minor each event was.

RP

Us Weekly Magazine Shoot and a darn good job they did.

Forward

We are all scared of what is to come, even the people who say they aren't.

nonexistent

What is nothing ?
There is always something, never nothing.
You will never feel nothing, you will never have nothing, you will never be nothing.

Nothing..
Lets just wait and see if there will ever be nothing in this world.
But then again when there is nothing, this world will no longer exist.

Suprise

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN!

The suprise birthday dinner was lovely. Seeing her shocking reaction as we all hid and yelled 'suprise' was priceless. Seeing another human so happy is like no other. Their smiles and laughs and especially seeing that glow about them, nothing can beat that. We all had our own little conversation through-out the table and since we were rather loud a family of four left for a different table. Nik and I purchased Lauren the most sweetest birthday present, well that's what we think. A 61cm gum ball machine, the beatles poster and a Michael Jackson:Number one hits dvd. I treated myself to a plate of steak with spare ribs. It was satisfying but didn't fill me up enough. Then the night ended with some vinalla ice-cream cake with flakes of chocolate in the middle.
I love you Lauren

Quickie

Just a quick update to what has been going down.
I just got a new computer and I need to find my wireless software so then my laptop will work.
I believe it's out in the shed..so i won't be searching for it tonight.

This is my last week of school for two weeks, phew. I need a break. I'm sick of constant routine.
Then picking subjects for next year. Jeeze, next year will be coming by fast. It's already half way through the year already. Amazing how time literally can fly by.

I've got a project to work on. Which is designing part of the extension to my house.
Father is building me a bigger room plus a library and art room. I love him.

1st Prize

Life is a competition, literally. Why? Because we always try to be better than the person next to us, the person that walks past, the person that seems better than yourself in any way. We even try to be better than ourselves at times, to prove ourselves different to who we really are. Change is good at times but only when it's done for the best, to make you a better person in some way, to revive you're conciseness from the dark side, to reawaken and understand/create meanings in life. We will obviously all change through-out time but it's how you change and who you become after that transformation.

Wow, you're 'better' than everybody else, now what?

Bloke's Night

We get messy, too messy at times. Our nightlife is entertaining. Filled with music, usually watching and learning Nanci's dance moves!

We dance and drink and dance and drink some more. Laughter, screams, tears, happiness and smiles take over the night. The next day we just sit and laugh at what we can remember of the night before.

Nikki, Allie, Nanci and Alex. I love you blokes.

Twihard

I adore Twilight too much..I'm obsessed.
I'm a Twihard, yes a Twihard.
I actually went and bought a piece of jewelery that has the Cullen crest on it.
I bought Esme's bracelet.

I'm not shamed :)

10:53pm

With a carton of orange juice by my side and writing utensils on my other and the sound of crickets and still air outside, I type this feeling very content.

Ability of Invention

We all escape reality once in a while, but i tend to do it a lot and at times i barely know what is reality.

I remind myself of a little girl creating imaginary friends and creatures. As silly as this may sounds they are the only 'people' that won't ever 100% let me down.

I create nice pictures in my head, where I'm living in the snow in a beautiful house writing right in front of the wood burning fire place and i can see the ivory snowflakes falling from the dull sky above or where I'm passing through the park seeing the colors of amber, mustard and crimson splashes of crumpled leaves scattered across the wide open space.

I read intriguing books where I want the stories to end up being a real life incident in my existence. Then i make up other beautiful or mind whizzing stories in my head that I wish would happen to me also.

Then there are my dreams...
I close my eyes and the most amazing things can appear, the most amazing things that aren't in my reach. But I'm still blessed at the thought of having those dreams. The only thing I hate is when i forget them in the morning. Who knows, maybe one of my dreams will come true one day.

Never let you're imagination run away from you, never let it dull down.
It's the one thing you've got to keep you going although it leaves you
sitting and waiting, sitting and waiting, but for what? A miracle perhaps

Fashion Icon

My fashion idol, Mary-Kate Olsen. Her individuality in style is my inspiration.

Leave

I so badly want to leave Perth, to start of somewhere completely new...
To indulge a new environment and new faces. Inhaling the new smell and absorbing the new light. Two and a half years until I set off. I will end up here.

The power

These past few days have been wonderful, truly wonderful. I never knew I would be able to feel this good is such a short period of time. I believe it's my strength to be happy again? My optimism on my shoulders and the power of my heart and mind. As I still may feel a bit woozy on this path I've walked, I'm returning to the state from which I started but only with new experiences and thoughts.

Michael, You're gorgeous and you're warm hearted words truly make me smile. You took the time to listen and that's something I am grateful for. You are beautiful.

Yourself in divine colours

Be pure and nothing else

universe

Oh how beautiful.. Oh how breathtaking.

You are low and I am high

I don't find you worthless, I don't believe anybody is worthless. Nor do I hate you, nobody should be hated. I despise you.

I believed a lot when I started to get to know you. I opened up and let you into my life, easily.
Oh what a silly mistake I made there...
but then again isn't life about making mistakes? And you say what you did was a mistake, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, will i ever honestly know? But whatever It was and no matter how it made me feel, I am taking this as a learning point in life. Obviously I feel diminished but who I am is no where near it's presence. I may feel emotionally weak but mentally I'm stronger than I have ever been.

I thought we could grow together, to trust each other, to tell one another our problems and inner thoughts. To let our progressive relationship grow into something beautiful. See? What silly things i made myself think but somewhat natural. We all fall for it and tend not to learn but oh I will. My guard is up, my barrier won't be easy to break now.

From what I have recently experienced I will no longer be able to trust someone as easily as I did to you. I will no longer be able to trust myself and my instincts easily. Time... that's what I need. Time.

Equal

You, me, him, her, them, we are all purely the same just without the character we play.

inbetween times

We sit around this paperbark tree and this lovely green shrub-like tree shelters part of the bench where we tend to shove our tomato sauce packets in. How ideal.
Then Nik and I tend to sit to the bench right next to it, by ourselves as we prefer the space.
The paper bark tree has it's thick roots popping out from the ground so when we walk through it we usually only step on the roots, a little game we play. We have the whole view of the open space in front of us where people walk past every second or just simply stand. We witness conflicts, general conversations, watching secrets being told, observing body language, seeing everything that tends to happen in every day life.
I love my girls.

nothing is comprehendable

Finally an update. I haven't had my internet router working in a couple of weeks so i thought why not connect it to the modem so now I can't write in my room.

How have we all been? What has been happening? Any updates?
I have some, I suppose.

My eyes were locked on someone and still is and I literally think about no one else or even notice other people around.
But I should start to think again, when something special happens, it doesnt last does it?
Well I haven't experienced it yet, obviously.
My situation may just end as it only has started. What a quick finish.
A lesson I have learnt over and over again: nothing can last without pure devotion and strong feelings.
But then again i may be too young to even comprehend situations like these.

I honestly want decent people to meet. People who can inspire more, people who can show me the world through their eyes. I want to meet people with a lot of charisma and people who have a warm beautiful heart.

More news...
Family problems, my sister, her step dad, whom is my dad and mom.
I can not bare seeing my sister sad and in tears.
Full stop.

Even more news..
Nikki and I want to go on a road trip to Broome, silly idea, I know.
We plan on leaving Western Australia and to go somewhere cold and beautiful,
yet we want to visit a hot tourist town.
So we are planning to drive up with Bethany in a few months time just to get out of this dull city.

I lead an interesting life, I know...
But writing on here gives me a way to express things.

Oh and one more thing.
Stick to things you have started and never create things that you think will finish.

Identification

Today as I read my book on the train, I read chapters by the name of "Identification With Things" and "The Lost Ring". These two chapters had made me come to my senses. As I thought deeply into the words that I was reading, It made me really take notice and realize that materialistic items are purely a way of boosting our egoistic minds and being. It stated "We are buying identification enhancers". That is utterly true, but whether people know that or not they still do care about appearance/reputation/lifestyle etc etc. The majority of people or you could even say everybody wants to look their best, by buying clothing, cosmetics, getting surgery. Everybody wants to have a nice house, whether it's an ocean view, wondrous garden, stylish interior/exterior design. Everybody is doing these things to satisfy others and themselves. Why? Why does everybody have to care that much? No matter what, humanity will care. I mean I buy "identification enhancers" even if it's just to please myself.

In the next chapter it was explaining how if we let go of a possession of value or meaning, from you're mothers diamond necklace to even just a childhood toy. It won't change "who I am", will it? No. It's teaching people how to let go of items and yes you may fell diminished but In actual fact who you are won't be diminished. You're head simply gets confused, thinking that, that cherished/important item is a part of who you are.

I'm learning and getting a sense of who I am.
I all advice you to read this book, "A New Earth" By Eckkhart Tolle.

Peace.

Bits and Pieces

Oh fashion, just amazing what you can put together and how creative the results can be.
I went into and op shop today through my venture in town and Nikki scored herself a black leather jacket, while I found a dark turquoise velvet blazer...yes I said velvet and the worst part was it had frills on the cuffs as well. I cut the frills off and it looks utterly good now. Never under estimate clothing.

I also happened to purchase a pair of black vans. Oh I know every body has a pair of the black ones, but unfortunately they didn't have my size in a mustard yellow. Ill be taking regular visits there now.

And why oh why does Perth have to be so completely horrible? We have no amazing tourist attractions, no label like "The City That Never Sleeps" or "The City Of Love", no individuality in this City. It's a cardboard box. The four walls are my boundaries, yet I know there are amazing places beyond. I just have to wait two more years. Goodbye trashy box, Hello Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

Peace and Love

first

My most inner thoughts, ideas, experiences, likings/dis-likings, emotions, etc etc will now be typed, not only thought about in my head or through words, but through keys on my laptop. I do not mind if your not intrigued by any of my words but had the decency to read them. Peace